I have always felt awesome as a person, but have not always been so proud of you. For a long time I felt that even when you brought me joy you were sure to turn around and disappoint me yet again. But here’s the thing I need to realize today: We are actually the same thing. You have been right there with me all along, doing whatever it is that I decided we should do, helping me realize my – our – many accomplishments. But I haven’t really been that nice to you. In fact, you can pretty much say, I’m a bully. I brought this cycle on us, and you went along with it. You gave me signs that I was hurting you, but I kept at it. And then when you don’t look or act the way I want and unfairly expect, I am mean. I am mean to you every day, multiple times a day. I am meaner to you than I am to anyone else in the world. But being mean isn’t getting us anywhere. It’s making us more disconnected than ever, and it just adds more fuel to a raging fire of self-hatred, and self-abuse. So today I want to start mending our relationship so that we can be one together, like in a marriage. It’s time for us to work together, so that we can help each other be our best. I need to allow you, body, to be in a relaxed healthy state and to be nourished physically and emotionally so my mind can be razor sharp and energetic. Together, as one, we can kill it at life.
Hair – Throughout most of my life and diet journey you have been the most loyal. You can’t get fat. When a fat girl feels down, a brushing of the hair and some spray was always a good pick me up.
Eyes – You are everything. You are where the emotions are at. I love your almond shapes because they are the same as my mother’s, grandmother’s, and now my daughters eyes. They are the prettiest eyes on them, so they must be the prettiest eyes on me. I am grateful for the glorious sights you allow me to see: weekly hikes with my family; vacations to exotic places; the latest fashions; art. You are a real life camera, and I get to have you with me anytime, anywhere. Love you eyes!
Ears – You know my secret pleasure – singing karaoke in the shower – and there would be no joy in that had you not been there to allow me to listen to myself belt out Adele or Sia in the shower. Singing has always given me deep pleasure, and you allow me to experience that fully.
Mouth – I love your pretentious palette. I love that you think Sushi in Atlanta is gross, and how you water at the thought of a trip to New York City and the food scene. Food has brought me incredible joy; it helps make friendships over shared meals, and that would not be possible without your help. Imagine a world where taste means nothing? I couldn’t imagine. I love the meaningful conversations you allow me to have with my husband; you are responsible for our connection. And boy do I cherish those moments where your lips turn upward into a smile and get even bigger for a really good therapeutic laugh. And the kisses! What would I do without smothering my daughter in a daily shower of smooches?
Arms – Your very existence enables me to type this letter and bring myself peace and healing. You allow me to have comfort every single day, whether with snuggles or hugs with my family. When I want you to help me work hard in the gym, you go along with it; you get stronger when I want you to get stronger, and when I need to stop, you stop. You provide me with the ability to drive and steer my car to work every single day. You, arms, are providing me with financial and emotional stability.
Chest – You played so many roles at different stages in my life. As a teen, you made me feel really special, and as an adult you gave me another opportunity to feel closer and connected to my husband. And then you transformed once again, and provided a miracle by nourishing my child the first few weeks of life.
Belly – Alright. I have really been learning to appreciate you so much the last few months. You are the one that has made this entire Intuitive Eating Journey possible. Learning to get in touch with your hunger/ fullness queues has brought me a sense of joy, freedom, and empowerment that I never thought was possible. I could not have done this without you.
I am here and ready to nurture you and respect you like the vessel you are and deserve to be. My mind will stop interfering and controlling you and what you are intended to accomplish. I will devote my time and energy to getting you to trust me again after the terrible abuse I’ve lashed out at you in the past. I know that it might take you some time to trust me again, but I will prove it to you that I will treat you right and I will let you function as you need with relaxation, consistency, and love. And most of all, I hope one day you will come to realize this is for real and not another quick fix that will only hurt you more.
*This blog post is the opinion of a particular Fattitude intern or guest blogger – and does not necessarily reflect the position of Fattitude, Inc.
Tzivie Pill is enjoying southern living as a mama and wife in Atlanta, Georgia. While working as an accountant by day, her free time is filled with anything creative; home decorating, baking or writing. Her favorite yoga pose is Savasana because it allows her to connect with her body and nourishes her heart and soul. Tzivie acts as an advocate for positive body image after realizing hating her body and obsessing with food for twenty years was holding her back from living life fully. She now feels light and free and wants to shout positivity from rooftops. Tzivie believes everybody deserves to feel beautiful and worth it just the way they are. She is currently registered for a coaching certification at the Institute for Eating Psychology and hopes to empower woman to embrace, own and love every inch of themselves inside and out.